Leave the Past in the Past

It's 3:00 in the morning ... again. This time I'm thinking about the past. Past mistakes, past decisions. Where did I go wrong? What would have happened if I had said "no" instead of "yes"? If I had taken the proverbial right instead of left? It's enough to drive you bonkers.

Do you know the Oprah segment, "What I know for sure"? She talks about the life lessons she has learned and passes on her wisdom in these little segments.

Here's mine: the past is the past.

It's done. It's over. You can't change it. No matter how hard you try to change it, it stays the same. You can worry over it, fret over it, bang your head on a wall over it, slap yourself on the forehead in a what-was-I-thinking gesture and it still won't change. You can ask God "Why?" until you are blue in the face, but one thing is certain: you're going to have to learn to live with the past.

For the longest time I used to believe that I was being tested. And how I did on the "test" would determine if I would pass the test or have to get tested again. The problem is that while you are being tested you don't know you're being tested and the test changes each time you take the test so you can't recognize immediately that you are being tested because most likely the test doesn't contain the same subject matter as the previous test(s).

It's the Kobiashi-Maru -- the "no win" scenario.

It actually sounds like a bad dream I have every once in a while. You know that dream: you're in school and can't find your locker, and nobody else knows where it is, but you have to get to class because you have a test, and you forgot to study because you left your book in your locker, but you can't find your locker ...

Sorry, I digress.

So while you are being "tested" you're supposed to be learning something, right? Isn't that what our teachers always told us--why we always reviewed the questions after a test to see what the answer was supposed to be? Recognizing what the life lessons are from something that has happened previously, whether good or bad, is like reviewing the answers after a test. It's important to our growth as human beings, but it can be difficult.

You can't change the past, whether it be life lessons or hard fought truths about yourself; but, like the tests you reviewed in school, you can learn from the stuff you got wrong. Sometimes you get it right away and, unfortunately, sometimes the whole process can take years.

I get a lot of thinking done while I am walking my dogs. It's something about the rhythm of my footsteps on the pavement that send my controlled mind into retrospective, clarity-driven thought. "What was the lesson I was to learn," rolls around in my brain for years and then recent events from a recent "test" will turn on a light bulb and I will get the connection.

I also notice that people tend to blame their parents for a lot of stuff, too. I think this keeps Dr. Phil in business. While I know people who have legitimate complaints about their parents, the rest of us need to realize a couple of things.

When I want to blame my mother or father for something they did or didn't do, it's helpful to put the "human" factor into your equation. Try to remember that your parents were human and I'm guessing that they were trying to get through their life the best way they knew how ... just like you and I are. As a parent, I hope I am offered the same courtesy.

As a mother there were a few things I did wrong as my child was growing up. Inevitably, there were things that my mother probably thought she did wrong, too; and her mother before her. And I can sit and blame my parents for things they didn't do, and dwell on it, or I can learn from their mistakes and change the way I do things.

It doesn't do any good to beat up my mother or myself over the past. Learn from it.

Captain Kirk beat the Kobiashi-Maru by reprogramming the test itself so he could beat the no-win scenario. While we don't have that luxury, we can reprogram how we react to something. When facing the insurmountable I have learned to turn my trust to God. That's my reprogramming of the test. Because deep down, I think all "tests" are meant to teach us to turn to and depend on God.

So the next time you catch yourself suffering through another rerun of your past, try to think of what you learned from that experience, and turn your thoughts toward the present and the future. It's much more pleasant to think about what you have today than what you missed in your yesterdays.

As Joyce Meyer would say, "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

When Expectations Don't Match Reality

What do you want to be when you grow up? While I'm still trying to answer that question, recent events have made me realize that life looks a lot different now then it did when I was little.

When I was little I wanted to be lots of different things: horse trainer, mathematician, astronomer, veterinarian, geologist. My love of animals, the outdoors, and of numbers came through in how I thought I would spend my grown-up life.

When I graduated from high school and ended up working instead of going to college, my dreams of any job that required a higher education were put by the wayside.

Then marriage and more working; and it wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I decided that I wanted to have a family--and a big one at that. I loved the good old-fashioned role of housekeeping where my inner Martha Stewart would come out. However, fate didn't have that in the cards for me as it's hard to have a lot of children when you're divorced (not impossible, mind you, but not how I envisioned it), and working full-time kept me out of school.

Being single throughout the rest of my child-bearing years cemented the fact that I would only end up with one child and not six; but that's okay because as a single person I have learned how to be self-sufficient and I was able to shower my attentions on one child.

More than anything, however, I want to spend time with family. While that has nothing to do with what I want to be when I grow up, it does have to do with what the picture in your head of your adult life looks like as you grow up.

Spending the holidays in a home surrounded by family and in the midst of countless holiday traditions are my "visions of sugarplums" that dance in my head. Expectations had me wishing for one thing. Reality, however, turned out quite differently.

As my family has become scattered across the globe and their family dynamics have them pulled in different directions for the holidays, I find myself spending a lot of time alone trying not to think about everyone else surrounded by their families.

So what do you do when your expectations don't match reality? You change your expectations to something that's more attainable.

For example: I have a friend from church who didn't want to stress herself too much over the holidays because her job was changing and she had a lot to think about. So she chose to spend Thanksgiving in reflection and meditation. She got some much needed answers and was thankful for the time alone.

For me, while I do get to spend some time with my family, I also spend much of the holidays with friends and their families. It's starting new traditions with my best friend like having a cookie decorating day (or days) and sharing the grocery shopping madness together before each of the holidays.

I have also learned to change my definition of "family". Those I consider family now, while not related by blood, are related to me by the experiences and friendships that we share.

The holidays are tough on those of us who are alone. As long as we manage our expectations we should be able to get through all this craziness in one piece.

Phrozen Philosophy

If you are like me I am betting that you are all pretty sick of links and references to the movie, "Frozen." Forgive me, but I am wayyyyyyyyy behind the curve on this movie so I finally forced myself to sit down and watch the darned thing. The movie was cute--but what I really loved about it was the music.

One phrase of one song in particular keeps running through my mind. I find myself going through my chores humming the melody to this song, but this one particular phrase I will always sing out loud:

"It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small 

and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all."

It's, of course, from the song "Let it Go," and what I love about it, the thing that keeps me singing it over and over, is the part about distance making everything seem small.

This summer I went on my usual annual summer vacation. I spent a week in the north woods of Wisconsin doing what I love to do: swimming, kayaking, biking, golfing, and sitting and looking at the lake for hours on end. I came home refreshed, energized, and much tanner than when I left.

However, I didn't leave that way.

The week before my vacation I thought I was losing my mind. I'm sure you all have experienced this. So many details to take care of, so many arrangements to make, and precious little time to get them all done. Then to top it off I had company over the weekend before I was to leave.

Earlier in the week before my vacation, I stood in my kitchen with my best friend, and cried out, "I don't know what's wrong with me! Why am I so unhappy?" And then I proceeded to list off all the things that were wrong with my life.

Being the good friend she is she gave me a great big hug and said, "You just need a vacation! You'll feel better once you leave here and get away from your life." And you know what? She was right.

We all need to take time to get some distance from whatever it is that seems wrong. Before I left on vacation I had problems that had hair on them. By the time I got back home they didn't seem that bad after all. And even if you can't get away for a whole week, there are many things that you can do to get some distance for a few hours, or an afternoon, or a day.

Take a walk in the park, go to a movie (and buy the large popcorn and soda),  go to a museum, or book that appointment at the spa for a few hours and give yourself some pampering. Just put some distance between you and your life and your problems will seem much more manageable.

Then, after your break and when you are ready to re-engage, you can truly feel like you have no limits to what you can do. Go ahead, take on the world, or at least rush hour traffic, with a new attitude and a new perspective.

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

Halloween is soon upon us, and one of my favorite things about Halloween is roasted pumpkin seeds. Here's how I prepare them.

First of all you have to get the seeds out of the pumpkin and separated from the "guts." I put mine in a glass bowl of some sort, and I like glass because your are going to soak them in salt water.

Fill a glass vessel of some sort with water, I used a large measuring cup for mine, enough to cover the seeds plus a bit more.

I had seeds from two pumpkins in this bowl. Then you need to add kosher salt to the water and the seeds. How much? Well, that depends on how much water you have in your bowl. The short answer is enough until the water is very salty. Sorry, that's a vague answer. It's like saying, "cook it until it's done."

What I do is add a couple of tablespoons at a time, mix with my hand so I can feel if the salt is dissolving, and keep adding until the salt isn't dissolving as fast anymore. I had about six cups of water and I probably put between 4-6 tablespoons of salt in here. You want it briny!!

I let the seeds soak in the fridge overnight. Take them out in the morning and drain in a colander, but don't rinse them. Pick out any pieces of pumpkin that might have snuck in there, too.

Position the rack in the oven to the middle. Preheat the oven to 275 degrees F. Prepare a sheet pan (I used a half sheet pan) by wrapping it in heavy duty aluminum foil and spraying with non-stick cooking spray. Pour the seeds onto the pan and spread them out (just shake the pan and they will spread nice and even).

Place the pan in the oven. I stir them every about every 15 minutes to get them to roast more evenly. As they roast, you can see the color will lighten up. After about 1/2 hour, sprinkle them with more kosher salt if you like, but don't put too much more salt on them. If you want to add seasonings, now is the time to add them. At this point, the seeds are wet enough to hold the seasonings but not too wet to dissolve them. I'm a purist--just kosher salt for me.

Keep stirring every 15 minutes until they dry out enough and start to turn golden. At this point the whole house should smell like roasted pumpkin! The whole process should take between an hour and an hour and fifteen minutes.

I like my pumpkin seeds pale golden brown with just a hint of brown on the edges. Turn off the oven, open the door a crack, and let them cool in the oven for a while. Store in an airtight container.

There you have it! A yummy, toasty, and a bit addictive, fall treat. Enjoy!!

The Good Sense God Gave You

Remember when you were little and you did something you weren't supposed to do, like color on the walls or forget your swimsuit for a swimming party?  What was the first thing your mom used to say to you? "Why don't you use the good sense God gave you?"

While I didn't know then what the heck she was talking about, I did understand that I had done something I shouldn't have, or I should have been able to figure out a better way to do what ever it is I did wrong.

Nowadays, I'm trying to use the good sense God gave me.

This saying comes into my mind whenever I'm trying to figure something out--like this nutrition plan my doctor has me on. It takes effort, and time, and I have to figure out a whole new way of doing things.

I complain, and I whine, and I say that it's impossible for someone who works full-time to have enough time to prepare all these "special" meals; and who in their right mind lives this long without chocolate!!

But then a voice chimes out in my head: "Use the good sense I gave you."

God gave me three gifts to help me on my way: organization, great cooking/baking skills, and good research skills. Really, if I want to be honest with myself, that's all I really need to eat a healthy, nutritional diet. Well, that and a hefty paycheck to pay for all the fresh groceries.

And some days when laziness and fatigue set in and I start dreaming of hiring a personal chef, I feel like I can use those gifts to avoid the drive-thru, figure out something quick and easy and still be nutritional--even if it's something I've stashed in my pantry or freezer. 

I have figured out that yes, you can eat banana nut muffins on the no-white-foods diet, and there is still a way to have chocolate if you know how to fix it.

This also works when you need an answer to something. I remember this one time when I sat down to take an Economics exam. I prepared judiciously for this test--studied, made note cards, and took all the practice exams. I got to school, got my test, sat down, looked at all the charts and graphs, and drew a complete blank. 

As panic set in and the reality hit home that this test counted for thirty percent of my grade, I decided to say a prayer and just fudge my way through the whole test. Turns out, the answers were inside my head all along, and it got me a 93 on the test! 

What I found out was that when stuck for an answer on something, chances are you probably already know the answer. It's there, deep down, sitting right next to your God-given good sense.

So are you stuck wondering how you are going to accomplish some task that seems unaccomplishable (I know that's not a word, but work with me here)? My guess is you already have the tools and the know-how to do it, even if your tools tell you to go and get help from someone else or "fake it 'til you make it." 

Tis better to give ...

When I was a little girl and Christmas would come around, my brothers and sisters and I were always so excited to get up and open our presents, that we would get up before dawn on Christmas morning. I was always in awe at the amount of gifts under the tree and loved opening up each and every present that had my name on it.

As our family went through the years and the dynamics changed, gift giving and receiving took on a different light. When we gathered as a family to celebrate the holidays, I got to see Christmas through the eyes of my niece and nephews. I saw how happy the gifts I had bought for them made them and how much satisfaction I received from watching them open their gifts.

Forward in time a few more years, and I found that I loved to hunt for little treasures throughout the year to give to someone on their birthday, anniversary, Christmas or "just because." Each gift became a personal blessing for both them and me.

As my parents used to remind me, it truly was better to give than to receive.

As I continue on in this life, the other thing I found out was that either gifts I gave or gifts I received took on a different character. "Gifts" didn't have to be physical things wrapped up in pretty paper with a bow. Gifts could be everyday ordinary things: a kind word when you need it, help with a tough task, or clear blue sky and warm weather after a week of rain and cold.

In our church we ask people to give of their tithes, their talents and their gifts. All three of these are important for the health and future of our church. Without tithes we couldn't pay the bills, without talents the service would be quite solemn, and without gifts the church wouldn't be the warm, welcoming, loving place it has become. Each and every member, attendee and guest are important in the success of our church.

Alan Pote wrong a song called "Many Gifts, One Spirit", and it says, "Many gifts, one spirit, many songs, one voice. Many reasons, one promise, many questions one choice."

Throughout the year we see the blessing of our gifts poured out into the community in which we live and beyond. We nurture those at home and those abroad. A gift given can help a homeless person have something to eat or can help a tornado victim find shelter in another state. Gifts can help provide a carnival day for local children or provide mosquito nets for children in Africa. Whether we provide new roofing for a house in Alabama or a new roof for our church, all of this is made possible through the financial gifts of our members.

We ask a lot of our members and attendees, and we are truly blessed with a congregation that is both generous and compassionate. However, one time a year our church asks it's members to evaluate one financial gift in particular: the tithe.

Through our operations budget we make it possible to provide a meeting place for our building partners, a few of which include ACAP, AA, an OCD Group, Healing Hearts, and even a Zumba class. All of these people count on us to give them a safe, warm, dry place to meet.

Through our operations budget we make sure we have the adequate staff to serve our members and guests. This staff is an integral part of our church and is important to maintaining a congregation of our size. They provide care for our spirits and inspiration for our souls. Without them we would be like sheep without shepherds.

The Alan Pote song also says, "Help us learn to love each other, show us ways to understand we are members of one family growing strong by joining hands."

That's what our congregation needs to do during this time of Stewardship: join hands and help support our church. Not just through our talents and our gifts, but through our tithes as well. And even though I give as much as I can, I know that my gift alone is not enough. Fortunately I don't have to do it all by myself. By all of us joining hands and all giving what we can, we can see this church through many more years together.

I give to my church budget because I want the church to continue and grow. My church family gives me community, safety, support and inspiration. Without our gifts--all our gifts--that church family would cease to exist.

"Take our many ways of working," the song says, "blend the colors of each soul into the beauty of a rainbow. Give us life, Lord, make us whole."

My Favorite Things - Nail Strengthener

If you are like me, and I bet most of you are, you struggle to keep your fingernails in decent shape. If mine aren't breaking, they are either chipped or splitting. Between the harsh winters that dry them out or the weekends where my hands seem to be in water all the time because I'm cooking or cleaning, my nails are usually a wreck.

Fortunately I have found my nail savior. It is "Horse Power Nail Fertilizer" by Butter London. This stuff is amazing!

You apply one coat every day for seven days, take it off, and begin again. Continue this routine for four weeks and you have beautiful, strong, un-chipped, un-split nails. You can also use this product as a base and top coat for your nail polish. 

I found this product at Ulta and it sells for $19.00. I think it's well worth the price if it gives me even a hint at "normal" nails.

Also, for those of you who use gel polish, this is a great way to get your nails back to their normal strength. You will notice immediate results with the first coat and your nails only get stronger with each coat. 

Enjoy!

The Narrow Gate

"When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comforts me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be"
--Paul McCartney

I was counseling a friend a while back who found himself in trouble. He was straying from the path of his faith and was making decisions he knew were wrong. He wanted something that wasn't in God's timing for him at that moment and he was becoming impatient. He knew what he was doing was wrong--that it went against the grain of his faith--but it was something that he really wanted and how could it possibly hurt? In short, he was distraught and frustrated.

I listened to my friend's story and the same words kept coming to my mind: remind him of his faith. 

Our faith can be a safe harbor in times of trouble. It can give us comfort and a place to rest our weary minds. Why is it then, when we are in our deepest struggles, we move away from God instead of toward Him? Why is it so difficult to keep the faith?

Christianity isn't easy. I'm guessing that it isn't easy to be Jewish or Islamic or any other person of faith either. There isn't some magic spell that is cast when you become a Christian that takes all difficulties out of your life. When you have to live within a set of rules and then add in the whole "human weakness" factor, there are times it would be so much easier to throw your faith by the wayside. Wouldn't it just be simpler to do what feels good versus what is right?

Christianity is not one of those things you can put an asterisk next to. You know how athletes will have these incredible seasons and there will be an asterisk next to their name? It's either there for a questionable use of performance enhancing drugs, or a longer than normal season, or whatever.

What we can't do is say, "I am a Christian*."
     * except for that one time when it wasn't convenient.
     * except when I don't want to stand up to my friends and tell them 
        their swearing makes me uncomfortable.
     * except when I'm doing something I know is wrong but it feels right in this moment.
     * except when I want to eat that cake, even though I know it's not good for me.

I will be the first to admit that I  have been in a situation where I would love to put an asterisk after something I've done that I'm not particularly proud of. However, the best part about being a Christian is that you can get up, dust yourself off, and start again.

I have probably used this scripture before, but this one speaks exactly to what I'm trying to say.  It is Matthew 7:13-14:

“Enter through the narrow gate; 

for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, 

and there are many who enter through it. 

“For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, 
and there are few who find it."

Being a person of faith is not easy--you gotta want it! But the rewards for living a life of faith full of integrity, kindness, generosity, and compassion far outnumber the few times that I'm inconvenienced by being the "good girl."  

In the end my counsel for my friend was to surrender himself to God, lay his problems at His feet, and keep the conversation open so that he could get divine guidance when needed. I reminded him to be patient and that he needed to find what he was looking for in God and then let God show him the next steps.

So when you "find yourself in times of trouble" turn your ear to God, and let Him speak His words of wisdom to you. You may not get an answer right away, and it may not be the answer you're looking for, but it will lead you through the narrow gate.

First Day of School

I was on my way to work this morning when my radio in my truck just decided to turn itself on. While this has never happened before (my truck is only six months old), it happened during a morning when, earlier, I felt a distinct "breath" on my face as I was getting ready for my day, so I paid attention to what it was playing.

My radio is set such that when I turn it on it plays from my iPod since I normally listen to audiobooks on my way to work. As I had just finished my last audiobook over the weekend my iPod defaulted to my playlist. 

The first song on my playlist is "Acclamation" from the "Gospel Mass." The opening piano introduction sounds like a bad cover band from a movie I once saw, but the words: "Alleluia, praise the Lord, Alleluia, let us praise the Lord," started up and I couldn't help but sing along. Since I was in the mood to sing, I put the iPod in shuffle mode and just let it play.

The next song it played was Mark Schulz's "Remember Me." I love this song. The last chorus goes, "Remember Me, when your children leave their Sunday schools with smiles. Remember Me when their old enough to teach, old enough to preach, old enough to leave," and I just lost it.

Today is the first day of school for this year. Those words, "old enough to leave," had me really missing my son. 

My son left home for college when he was 19. Unlike most college kids he never came back to live at home during the summers. He got a job in the city in which he went to school and therefore lives up at school year-round. I miss him constantly and I feel like my time with him was cut short. However, I know that he needed his independence and I sacrificed my happiness to entrust his care to God.

As Mark Schulz's words rolled around in my head, I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac that starts in Genesis 22. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son to God to show his faith. In a way, as we send our kids out into the world we are sacrificing our sons and daughters to the world as well.

And while most of us don't have to send our kids away to college, even sending your children to their big firsts--first day of kindergarden, first day of middle school, first day of high school, etc.--is a sacrifice in itself. We are sending them out of our protective custody and into a world where we have no control. But God does.

We have to trust, as Abraham trusted, that God knows what He is doing and will take care of our children. By showing this trust God will surely bless them and us. 

The next song my iPod played, "El Shaddai" by Amy Grant. "Through Your love and through the ram, You saved the son of Abraham."  Coincidence?  I think not. More tears.

Then, just to drive the point home, as I neared work, traffic was stopped for a school bus. As the doors to the school bus were closing there was a mom standing in the driveway, camera in hand taking a picture of her child as they boarded the school bus. She was giving her child to the world, entrusting their care to a bunch of strangers, and sacrificing her protective instincts for the hope of a better life for her child. Now I'm not just crying, I'm doing the "ugly" cry.

"Okay, God," I said through my tears, "enough! I get it."

If this past year of my life could be summed up in one phrase it would be "Trust God for everything." Trust that God will take care of you, your children, your families, your friends. Trust that when you try to take control your life will seem out of control. Trust that your sacrifices, however big or small, are noticed by God and will be rewarded.

I am truly blessed. My son has turned out to be a loving, caring, kind, hard-working, productive member of society. I may have had a small part in that, but I truly believe that it is through the Grace of God that he is the man he is today.

God got my attention today. So if your radio happens to turn itself on, listen for the message that God wants you to hear. Today’s was: Give your children to God. Entrust them to His care. Be comforted in knowing that by doing so, you and your children will be blessed. 

In the words of our pastors at the end of communion: "Through your Son, Jesus Christ ... all honor and glory is Yours, almighty God, now and forever. Amen."

The "H" Word

A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I worked for a boss who's mission in life was to make my life miserable. I sometimes thought that she hired me, not to be her company's bookkeeper, but to be her friend. 

She would drag me from my office in the middle of the day and we would head out for long lunches, or shopping expeditions, or some made up errand for the business. Then, later, she would proceed to yell at me because I wasn't getting all my work done fast enough. 

I specifically remember one year, during budget time, I had a particularly difficult time of pinning her down for meetings. I had scheduled and rescheduled meeting after meeting to review the new budget with her but she always had something more important to do. Then, when I called in sick with the flu, she told me I was being irresponsible for not getting the budget finished and proceeded to yell at me over the phone which had me in tears. Seriously woman?!? I can hardly stand up and it's my fault the budget won't get done because I took one sick day?

This woman was impossible to work for, which was proven by the number of temporary receptionists that would pass through our doors. Somehow I managed to stick it out for close to two years, and during that time one of the temps that came through our office became one of my closest friends.

Barb and I were kindred spirits. Barb could see how manipulative and abusive this boss was, and our time in "combat" together made us very close.  In addition, our personal lives were both at a crossroads. Barb had recently become divorced and I was divorced. Barb was in a job transition, and I was definitely thinking about one.

We began to have our own language in talking to each other, mostly in acronyms, because we knew all our conversations were being overheard. When one of us was really frustrated with life we would look over at the other at say, "Shut up!", because that's what we wanted to say to the boss. It became our greeting, our salutation, our venting words for all our frustrations. Barb would call me at home and when I answered the phone she would simply say, "Shut up!" I would answer back, "No, YOU shut up!" That's all we needed to say.

At one point we decided that we needed an attitude adjustment. "B.T." became our new mantra, which stood for bushy-tailed (you know, bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed). When we faced tough situations we would say, "B.T.", and that would help us change the way we thought about things.

We would sit and talk for hours and try to remember the last time we were happy with life. "Happy" became the "H" word and like the "F" word it was something that you never said. It was something that was unattainable and just out of reach and we were certain it wasn't in the cards for either of us.

Barb eventually left crazy-boss-woman's company and found a permanent position working for a great boss. The day after her last day working for crazy-boss-woman, I got a bouquet of flowers delivered to me and the card simply read, "B.T."

This h-word thing became something that we tried to reach all the time. We would ask each other, "Are you happy?" More times than naught, the answer would be "Not yet."

Why is happiness so hard to attain? 

I was walking through the mall the other week and this sales guy named "Francesco" pulled me aside and was flirting with me in his best Italian accent, trying to sell me some exorbitantly expensive face cream and telling me that I was rich. "It depends," I said, "on what your definition of 'rich' is. Compared to people in this mall, I'm not rich, but compared to people in, say, Iraq, then yes, I am rich. It's all about perspective."

Being happy is about perspective, too. 

Too many times we try to live up to other people's expectations of what happy should be. Is happiness a good job, or a big house, or a big bank account, or a certain number on the scale? I've personally found out that happiness certainly isn't a diamond ring on your left hand. 

How many times have we said, "If only I [insert phrase here], I would be happy." You fill in the blank. If only I were married, if only I were thinner, if only I were rich, etc. But when you attain whatever it is you put in the blank, chances are you still haven't found happiness.

I think happiness is a moving target. As we change and grow and mature our perspective changes and therefore the things that make us happy change. 

For years I continued the tradition that Barb and I started of calling happy the "H" word, but lately the "H" word has crept back into my vocabulary. 

I have learned to appreciate the things that make me happy and more times than naught they are things that you can't put a price tag on: a solid faith, an awesome son, a good job, great friends and family, two mischievous doggies, a purring cat and a singing canary, a warm comfortable bed, and ... well ... (whispering) peanut butter M&M's. 

As the old Peanuts song says, "Happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you."

Barb succumbed to cancer more than ten years ago. In my nightstand tucked away neatly in a Christmas card and the memoriam card from her funeral is a card from some flowers I received with the letters "B.T." written on it. On the Christmas card she wrote, "If you ever repeat this I'll deny it but I could never have gotten through all these weeks, months, years without you. Shut up! Love, Barb."




I did it Barb, I found the "H" word; and if I could send out a wish for each of you, it would be that you all find the "H" word, too. 

Have a wonderful day!
Sharon Lynn

Enjoy "Happiness" with the Peanuts gang.

Thou Shalt Not Lie

I saw something in Facebook the other day that really hit home. It said: “The worst thing about being lied to is knowing that you weren’t worth the truth.” 

My second marriage broke up because of lies. I was lied to for years by my husband; really throughout most of the marriage. He excelled at it. To look at him you would think that he didn’t have a care in the world--until things started falling apart. My husband had become a stranger to me. The one thing I still can’t understand is how you can say you love someone in one sentence and lie to them in the next. 

I am a terrible liar. People can usually see right through me. I’m not talking about little white lies like when someone asks how you are and you say, “Oh, I’m great!” I’m talking about regular, Old Testament, “Thou shalt not lie” type lies. I just don’t do it because eventually you’re going to have to own up to what you did or didn’t do and it’s just so much easier not to lie in the first place.

People lie for many different reasons. Either they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they don't want to face the truth, or they have been caught doing something they shouldn't have done. Unfortunately for them, lying tends to have a snowball effect. Before you know it they're hip deep in lies, sinking fast, with no way out except the one way that will help them--telling the truth--and they usually don't even want to think about going there.

I think that lying damages the soul. With each lie you have the illusion that you are hiding a portion of yourself from someone and, and in a way, from God. The problem is the illusion is yours. Eventually there will be a judgement day whether here on earth or at the pearly gates.

However all that insight didn't help me. What bothered me most about the lies and what got me really upset, is the realization that I wasn’t worth the truth. As time passes, and small realizations pop up, you begin to question whether or not anything you were told was the truth.

A very wise friend said to me, “Your worth is not measured by anyone but God, and He loves you unconditionally.” That does bring me some comfort. I know that God loves me and He would never lie to me. He is the ultimate assurance of your worth in this universe.

When I love someone I would do just about anything for them. I would help them get through what ever they were going through to the best of my abilities. I could even forgive them for lying to me and if they came clean, I would still love them. All they would have to do is to try to do better the next time and ask me for help when they needed it. God is the same way. He loves us unconditionally.

So how do you get past this feeling of betrayal? How do you ever learn to trust again? Those are really good questions, and unfortunately I don't have an answer at this time. 

However, here's what I do know. I know that I don't want to be type of person who lies to others. I also don't want to harbor bad feelings against someone who has lied to me. It goes against the grain of my faith. In order for us to survive we must practice our faith day by day and it must penetrate every aspect of our lives. Facing these life challenges is difficult and we can't try to conquer them with human effort alone.

Just knowing that I don't have to go through this alone helps immensely. I have wonderful friends who stand by me no matter what and encourage me to trust again. I also place my trust in the place where I know it is safe. I place my trust in God for I know it will be kept sacred and He will see me through.

Call Me Mara

Do you remember the story of Naomi and Ruth from the Bible? It is a story of loyalty, friendship and commitment, both to God and to each other.

However, there is another story within that story.

At one point the two women are returning to Naomi's homeland and as they enter the town the towns-women are exclaiming, "Is that Naomi?" Naomi answers back saying, "Don't call me Naomi, call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty." (Ruth 1:19-21)

In Italian, the meaning of the name "Mara" is "bitter." In essence, Naomi is telling the townspeople that she is very bitter at God for the situation she finds herself in.

There were times when I felt like having people call me Mara.

My study bible says this about feeling bitter towards God: "The road to open rebellion against God starts with bitterness and skepticism, then moves to grumbling about both God and [our] present circumstances. Next comes bitterness and resentment, followed finally by rebellion. If you're often dissatisfied, skeptical, complaining or bitter, beware! That attitude leads to rebellion and separation from God."

I feel like I have been "changed" by my divorce. While I don't feel bitter towards God like Naomi did, I do relate to how she must have felt.

I feel like the whole experience of getting married again, taking a chance, turning my life upside down for someone, and then losing that promised life has left me completely changed; and not necessarily changed in a bad way. It's given me a new perspective and a new way about thinking of things. I try to remember that God did not come to take away our challenges, but to change us on the inside and to empower us to deal with problems from God's perspective.

When facing bitter times I try to offer up honest prayers to God. I tell Him how I'm feeling, what my frustrations are, and what I hope for. I think one of the things I have to remember is to be careful not to overlook the love, strength, and resources that He provides in my present relationships. Like Naomi, I have found my "Ruth's" in my life. They are true blessings to me.

I also think that we can sometimes allow bitterness and disappointment to blind us to opportunities that may be placed on our path so I keep my eyes open and my heart grateful for all the blessings to which I receive.

In Matthew 7:13-14 it says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (NIV)  The broad road may be easier to take but it has all kinds of room for bitterness, resentment and self-pity. The narrow road, although more difficult to traverse, only has room for the Spirit. It's harder to take the narrow road, but that's the road that leads to a better life.

It doesn't do me any good to be bitter about what has happened. The past is in the past and I can't change what happened. Instead, I concentrate on keeping my attitudes, actions and thoughts focused on God and the present instead of on myself.

Here's some more food for thought. If you are waiting for God to change your present circumstances consider this: He may be waiting for you to take the first step to demonstrate just how important your need is. Just taking that first step, which sometimes can be the hardest one, shows Him how great your faith is. 

The Main Thing

There are many things I like about going to the dog park, but one of the things I love to do while I am there in the summer is hunt for four leaf clovers. 

This past weekend the clover was in full bloom. The light, fragrant scent drifted through the air as I walked through patch after patch of emerald green leaves dotted by light lavender heads popping above the carpet. 

While the dogs are running around sniffing all the things dogs love to sniff, my eyes scan the carpeted ground for the "blip" in the pattern of green. I usually don't have to look too hard, just scan the ground as I walk, and they will jump out at me. There's another four-leaf clover!

A few weeks ago I came across something that I had never seen before--a five leaf clover! I had to look twice to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Since then I've found out that clovers can come with many, many leafs.

By now you should know me well enough to know that after I've plucked my four leaf clover out of the ground I stand there thinking to myself, "There's a life lesson in this." Ah, you know me too well.

Do you ever feel like you are just another three-leaf clover planted in a field with a seven billion other three-leaf clovers? 

As I'm standing in the field surrounded by clover I thought to myself, "What would make me stand out in the crowd? How can I become something special that would stand out among so many other people in this world? How do I become the 'blip' in the pattern?"

I'm not necessarily looking for public recognition, but my hope is that I could do something to make this world a little better place to be. 

The truth of the matter is that I don't really have to do some grand task to make a difference. What I can do is lots of little acts of kindness.  Smile at someone when they look down. Tell someone they look pretty or handsome today. Hold the door open for someone. It really doesn't take much.

The important part is to never feel that your part in this world is insignificant or unimportant. As our pastor reminded us this past Sunday, "People are watching us." They watch what we do and how we react. They watch us to make sure our actions follow our words. 

I think it goes without saying that each and every one of us is important to God. We are all special and precious and unique and we don't need to do anything to be recognized by God. However, as Pastor Dan would say, "The main thing is to remember to keep the main thing the main thing." That's pastor-speak for "remember to keep God in the center of everything": your thoughts, your actions, and your words and the rewards will surely follow.

Here's a little Irish blessing for you.  Read it in your best Irish brogue!  :)

May you always walk in sunshine,

May you never want for more,

May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door.

I Am Here

I was having lunch with a friend the other day. We were talking about how hard it can be to be the "perfect little Christian" at all times. There are times when it seems especially hard like when you're angry at someone or someone has done an injustice to you. She was struggling to forgive and to give up control and hand it all over to God, and I felt her pain. I had been there before -- many times.

I shared a story with her of a time when I was struggling with control issues and I had become very angry with God. Now, in hindsight, I can see it was a control issue, but back then I didn't quite understand what was going on. While I don't remember the circumstances I remember this particular day. It was the day I severed my relationship with God.

Things had gone wrong. And it wasn't just one thing, it was event after event, trial after trial, disappointment upon disappointment. I don't remember the particulars of the proverbial "straw" that set me off--but I remember my rage. 

I was done! Done praying, done asking for favors, done pretending that God was going to help me when He hadn't helped me before. Why did these things have to happen to me? Why did I have to go through all this pain? Why was nothing ever easy?!?

I admit that I had a little tantrum. Okay, maybe it was more than a little one. The truth is ... I lost it. I threw things around the house, yelled, screamed, cried and ended up in a heap on the floor. "No more," I vowed to God, "you will not be a part of my life any more."

To actually write down those words right now scares me, and makes me sad. I wish I could go back in time, take it all back and comfort my younger self.

During this dark time my resolve to keep God out of my life lasted for several months. When ever I would think about Him, I would remind myself why I should no longer go to Him for comfort. He doesn't care. We are all on our own. What difference does it make, really?

You know that song "From A Distance" by Bette Midler?  "From a distance the world looks blue and green and the snow capped mountains white. God is watching us from a distance," the song says.  I believed it, and ended up making it my mantra.

I became less of a person, feeling smaller and sad and something I didn't expect: I felt lonely. I didn't go out and start being a party girl or not being kind to others, but I also didn't go out of my way to help someone, or smile at someone, and I definitely wasn't happier.

Months went by. Life didn't get any better. I wasn't happier without God.

Another day came along, another breaking point, but this time I found myself not collapsing from defiance, I found myself on my knees in defeat. "I'm sorry, God," I said. "I can't do this alone. I was wrong to be angry with you. I was wrong to turn away from you. I need you. I miss you. Please come back into my life. I surrender myself to you."

"I am here," His voice said. "I have always been here. Even when you turned away from me, I continued to watch over you."

Relief washed over me, a great weight lifted off my shoulders, and I was overwhelmed by God's love for me.

This was my lesson on control. It was hard fought, but it was so necessary in my journey of faith.

I liked to control things, be in control, take control of my life, but things had gotten out of control. It wasn't until I gave up that control that things started getting better. 

I was always looking for someone else to make the hard decisions, tell me what choices to make, which path to follow. What I found was that if I prayed over a decision, asked for God's guidance and for the wisdom to see the path I am to follow, it allows me to let Him make the decisions easier for me.

I've had a few little "status check" reminders that I was starting to control things again throughout the years, but I have gotten better and better at recognizing when I am doing this and cutting if off before I dig too deep of a hole for myself.

"Tell me what to do and I'll do it," had become my new mantra. It has gotten me through a lot of tough life choices. Throughout my entire separation and divorce I let God make the decisions I could not bring myself to make. I trusted Him to make the right choice, while I just kept moving forward. It kept me sane. The more I surrendered myself to His will, the easier life became.

So no matter where you find yourself in your faith journey remember this: God is there waiting for you to come to Him. Go to Him, ask, and He will answer.

An Act of Forgiving

There it was again. That random thought that comes out of the blue. Why can't I stop thinking about this? It leaves me unsettled and anxious.

It was three o'clock in the morning and I was wide awake. Something woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep. Normally this doesn't happen to me. Lately I've been sleeping quite soundly. Even if I get up to go to the bathroom I usually fall right back to sleep. But on this night something was nagging at me. 

I think about it and notice that lately these same feelings just keep coming up at random: while I'm driving, mowing the lawn, walking the dogs, or sitting in church. Like a stain on a carpet with a rug over it -- you know the one -- every time you move the rug to vacuum you are reminded of it.

"It's time," His voice said. "It's time to forgive." 

Now? At 3:00 in the morning? But I thought I had already done that? 

I had harbored negative emotions for years: anger, betrayal, un-forgiveness, disbelief. I'd gone through the act of forgiving the one who is responsible for my feeling this way. I've sent him light and love and continued to pray for him. Isn't that enough? 

Apparently not. Apparently there's someone else I need to forgive. Apparently I need to forgive myself, too.

So I did what I always do when I can't think of what else to do: I say the "Lord's Prayer." And it came to me, right there in the words I was praying: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."

If God will forgive me, why can't I forgive myself? 

After my divorce I wasn't just angry with my husband, I have to admit that I was angry with myself, too. I kept telling myself, "You're smarter than this. How could you let this happen to you?" Words ran through my head like "stupid" and "gullible" and "fool." But these words aren't directed at my betrayer, they are directed inward, at myself. 

However, I know I'm not stupid or a fool, and is it really a bad thing to be gullible? 

I know from past experience that if you harbor ill will toward someone it does more damage to you than to the person with whom you're upset. Like a backpack with a bowling ball in it, we carry this burden of bitterness with us wherever we go. That burden drains us of our energy -- energy that could be better used elsewhere. But what if you're the one you can't forgive? 

I did some research on the web about forgiving yourself and I found some great things to remember next time I'm "accosted" with these negative thoughts:

• Forgiving yourself will release you from the past.
• You don't need to forgive yourself for being you.
• Remind yourself that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting.
• Self-forgiveness is not acceptance of a substandard you.
• Stop punishing yourself!
• Be grateful for what you do have using positive affirmations.
• Remember this life is a journey, not a destination.

As with all things in my life I looked for the answer in prayer. But this time the words wouldn't come. So I asked, instead, for God to help me find the words that will help me heal. My answer came with the help of Joyce Meyer who wrote the following:

"Father, I confess that I've clung stubbornly to anger toward those who've hurt me. Rather than forgive so You can heal me, I've harbored an unforgiving attitude. I have let bitterness about the past poison the precious present, blinding me to Your blessings. Father, today I forgive [my betrayer and myself] and lay my ashes at Your feet so You can turn them into something beautiful. In Jesus' name, Amen."

I forgive, and through my forgiveness I am healed.
Thanks be to God!