Leave the Past in the Past

It's 3:00 in the morning ... again. This time I'm thinking about the past. Past mistakes, past decisions. Where did I go wrong? What would have happened if I had said "no" instead of "yes"? If I had taken the proverbial right instead of left? It's enough to drive you bonkers.

Do you know the Oprah segment, "What I know for sure"? She talks about the life lessons she has learned and passes on her wisdom in these little segments.

Here's mine: the past is the past.

It's done. It's over. You can't change it. No matter how hard you try to change it, it stays the same. You can worry over it, fret over it, bang your head on a wall over it, slap yourself on the forehead in a what-was-I-thinking gesture and it still won't change. You can ask God "Why?" until you are blue in the face, but one thing is certain: you're going to have to learn to live with the past.

For the longest time I used to believe that I was being tested. And how I did on the "test" would determine if I would pass the test or have to get tested again. The problem is that while you are being tested you don't know you're being tested and the test changes each time you take the test so you can't recognize immediately that you are being tested because most likely the test doesn't contain the same subject matter as the previous test(s).

It's the Kobiashi-Maru -- the "no win" scenario.

It actually sounds like a bad dream I have every once in a while. You know that dream: you're in school and can't find your locker, and nobody else knows where it is, but you have to get to class because you have a test, and you forgot to study because you left your book in your locker, but you can't find your locker ...

Sorry, I digress.

So while you are being "tested" you're supposed to be learning something, right? Isn't that what our teachers always told us--why we always reviewed the questions after a test to see what the answer was supposed to be? Recognizing what the life lessons are from something that has happened previously, whether good or bad, is like reviewing the answers after a test. It's important to our growth as human beings, but it can be difficult.

You can't change the past, whether it be life lessons or hard fought truths about yourself; but, like the tests you reviewed in school, you can learn from the stuff you got wrong. Sometimes you get it right away and, unfortunately, sometimes the whole process can take years.

I get a lot of thinking done while I am walking my dogs. It's something about the rhythm of my footsteps on the pavement that send my controlled mind into retrospective, clarity-driven thought. "What was the lesson I was to learn," rolls around in my brain for years and then recent events from a recent "test" will turn on a light bulb and I will get the connection.

I also notice that people tend to blame their parents for a lot of stuff, too. I think this keeps Dr. Phil in business. While I know people who have legitimate complaints about their parents, the rest of us need to realize a couple of things.

When I want to blame my mother or father for something they did or didn't do, it's helpful to put the "human" factor into your equation. Try to remember that your parents were human and I'm guessing that they were trying to get through their life the best way they knew how ... just like you and I are. As a parent, I hope I am offered the same courtesy.

As a mother there were a few things I did wrong as my child was growing up. Inevitably, there were things that my mother probably thought she did wrong, too; and her mother before her. And I can sit and blame my parents for things they didn't do, and dwell on it, or I can learn from their mistakes and change the way I do things.

It doesn't do any good to beat up my mother or myself over the past. Learn from it.

Captain Kirk beat the Kobiashi-Maru by reprogramming the test itself so he could beat the no-win scenario. While we don't have that luxury, we can reprogram how we react to something. When facing the insurmountable I have learned to turn my trust to God. That's my reprogramming of the test. Because deep down, I think all "tests" are meant to teach us to turn to and depend on God.

So the next time you catch yourself suffering through another rerun of your past, try to think of what you learned from that experience, and turn your thoughts toward the present and the future. It's much more pleasant to think about what you have today than what you missed in your yesterdays.

As Joyce Meyer would say, "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."