The "H" Word

A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I worked for a boss who's mission in life was to make my life miserable. I sometimes thought that she hired me, not to be her company's bookkeeper, but to be her friend. 

She would drag me from my office in the middle of the day and we would head out for long lunches, or shopping expeditions, or some made up errand for the business. Then, later, she would proceed to yell at me because I wasn't getting all my work done fast enough. 

I specifically remember one year, during budget time, I had a particularly difficult time of pinning her down for meetings. I had scheduled and rescheduled meeting after meeting to review the new budget with her but she always had something more important to do. Then, when I called in sick with the flu, she told me I was being irresponsible for not getting the budget finished and proceeded to yell at me over the phone which had me in tears. Seriously woman?!? I can hardly stand up and it's my fault the budget won't get done because I took one sick day?

This woman was impossible to work for, which was proven by the number of temporary receptionists that would pass through our doors. Somehow I managed to stick it out for close to two years, and during that time one of the temps that came through our office became one of my closest friends.

Barb and I were kindred spirits. Barb could see how manipulative and abusive this boss was, and our time in "combat" together made us very close.  In addition, our personal lives were both at a crossroads. Barb had recently become divorced and I was divorced. Barb was in a job transition, and I was definitely thinking about one.

We began to have our own language in talking to each other, mostly in acronyms, because we knew all our conversations were being overheard. When one of us was really frustrated with life we would look over at the other at say, "Shut up!", because that's what we wanted to say to the boss. It became our greeting, our salutation, our venting words for all our frustrations. Barb would call me at home and when I answered the phone she would simply say, "Shut up!" I would answer back, "No, YOU shut up!" That's all we needed to say.

At one point we decided that we needed an attitude adjustment. "B.T." became our new mantra, which stood for bushy-tailed (you know, bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed). When we faced tough situations we would say, "B.T.", and that would help us change the way we thought about things.

We would sit and talk for hours and try to remember the last time we were happy with life. "Happy" became the "H" word and like the "F" word it was something that you never said. It was something that was unattainable and just out of reach and we were certain it wasn't in the cards for either of us.

Barb eventually left crazy-boss-woman's company and found a permanent position working for a great boss. The day after her last day working for crazy-boss-woman, I got a bouquet of flowers delivered to me and the card simply read, "B.T."

This h-word thing became something that we tried to reach all the time. We would ask each other, "Are you happy?" More times than naught, the answer would be "Not yet."

Why is happiness so hard to attain? 

I was walking through the mall the other week and this sales guy named "Francesco" pulled me aside and was flirting with me in his best Italian accent, trying to sell me some exorbitantly expensive face cream and telling me that I was rich. "It depends," I said, "on what your definition of 'rich' is. Compared to people in this mall, I'm not rich, but compared to people in, say, Iraq, then yes, I am rich. It's all about perspective."

Being happy is about perspective, too. 

Too many times we try to live up to other people's expectations of what happy should be. Is happiness a good job, or a big house, or a big bank account, or a certain number on the scale? I've personally found out that happiness certainly isn't a diamond ring on your left hand. 

How many times have we said, "If only I [insert phrase here], I would be happy." You fill in the blank. If only I were married, if only I were thinner, if only I were rich, etc. But when you attain whatever it is you put in the blank, chances are you still haven't found happiness.

I think happiness is a moving target. As we change and grow and mature our perspective changes and therefore the things that make us happy change. 

For years I continued the tradition that Barb and I started of calling happy the "H" word, but lately the "H" word has crept back into my vocabulary. 

I have learned to appreciate the things that make me happy and more times than naught they are things that you can't put a price tag on: a solid faith, an awesome son, a good job, great friends and family, two mischievous doggies, a purring cat and a singing canary, a warm comfortable bed, and ... well ... (whispering) peanut butter M&M's. 

As the old Peanuts song says, "Happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you."

Barb succumbed to cancer more than ten years ago. In my nightstand tucked away neatly in a Christmas card and the memoriam card from her funeral is a card from some flowers I received with the letters "B.T." written on it. On the Christmas card she wrote, "If you ever repeat this I'll deny it but I could never have gotten through all these weeks, months, years without you. Shut up! Love, Barb."




I did it Barb, I found the "H" word; and if I could send out a wish for each of you, it would be that you all find the "H" word, too. 

Have a wonderful day!
Sharon Lynn

Enjoy "Happiness" with the Peanuts gang.