My second marriage broke up because of lies. I was lied to for years by my husband; really throughout most of the marriage. He excelled at it. To look at him you would think that he didn’t have a care in the world--until things started falling apart. My husband had become a stranger to me. The one thing I still can’t understand is how you can say you love someone in one sentence and lie to them in the next.
I am a terrible liar. People can usually see right through me. I’m not talking about little white lies like when someone asks how you are and you say, “Oh, I’m great!” I’m talking about regular, Old Testament, “Thou shalt not lie” type lies. I just don’t do it because eventually you’re going to have to own up to what you did or didn’t do and it’s just so much easier not to lie in the first place.
People lie for many different reasons. Either they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they don't want to face the truth, or they have been caught doing something they shouldn't have done. Unfortunately for them, lying tends to have a snowball effect. Before you know it they're hip deep in lies, sinking fast, with no way out except the one way that will help them--telling the truth--and they usually don't even want to think about going there.
I think that lying damages the soul. With each lie you have the illusion that you are hiding a portion of yourself from someone and, and in a way, from God. The problem is the illusion is yours. Eventually there will be a judgement day whether here on earth or at the pearly gates.
However all that insight didn't help me. What bothered me most about the lies and what got me really upset, is the realization that I wasn’t worth the truth. As time passes, and small realizations pop up, you begin to question whether or not anything you were told was the truth.
A very wise friend said to me, “Your worth is not measured by anyone but God, and He loves you unconditionally.” That does bring me some comfort. I know that God loves me and He would never lie to me. He is the ultimate assurance of your worth in this universe.
When I love someone I would do just about anything for them. I would help them get through what ever they were going through to the best of my abilities. I could even forgive them for lying to me and if they came clean, I would still love them. All they would have to do is to try to do better the next time and ask me for help when they needed it. God is the same way. He loves us unconditionally.
So how do you get past this feeling of betrayal? How do you ever learn to trust again? Those are really good questions, and unfortunately I don't have an answer at this time.
However, here's what I do know. I know that I don't want to be type of person who lies to others. I also don't want to harbor bad feelings against someone who has lied to me. It goes against the grain of my faith. In order for us to survive we must practice our faith day by day and it must penetrate every aspect of our lives. Facing these life challenges is difficult and we can't try to conquer them with human effort alone.
Just knowing that I don't have to go through this alone helps immensely. I have wonderful friends who stand by me no matter what and encourage me to trust again. I also place my trust in the place where I know it is safe. I place my trust in God for I know it will be kept sacred and He will see me through.
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