When Expectations Don't Match Reality

What do you want to be when you grow up? While I'm still trying to answer that question, recent events have made me realize that life looks a lot different now then it did when I was little.

When I was little I wanted to be lots of different things: horse trainer, mathematician, astronomer, veterinarian, geologist. My love of animals, the outdoors, and of numbers came through in how I thought I would spend my grown-up life.

When I graduated from high school and ended up working instead of going to college, my dreams of any job that required a higher education were put by the wayside.

Then marriage and more working; and it wasn't until I was in my late twenties that I decided that I wanted to have a family--and a big one at that. I loved the good old-fashioned role of housekeeping where my inner Martha Stewart would come out. However, fate didn't have that in the cards for me as it's hard to have a lot of children when you're divorced (not impossible, mind you, but not how I envisioned it), and working full-time kept me out of school.

Being single throughout the rest of my child-bearing years cemented the fact that I would only end up with one child and not six; but that's okay because as a single person I have learned how to be self-sufficient and I was able to shower my attentions on one child.

More than anything, however, I want to spend time with family. While that has nothing to do with what I want to be when I grow up, it does have to do with what the picture in your head of your adult life looks like as you grow up.

Spending the holidays in a home surrounded by family and in the midst of countless holiday traditions are my "visions of sugarplums" that dance in my head. Expectations had me wishing for one thing. Reality, however, turned out quite differently.

As my family has become scattered across the globe and their family dynamics have them pulled in different directions for the holidays, I find myself spending a lot of time alone trying not to think about everyone else surrounded by their families.

So what do you do when your expectations don't match reality? You change your expectations to something that's more attainable.

For example: I have a friend from church who didn't want to stress herself too much over the holidays because her job was changing and she had a lot to think about. So she chose to spend Thanksgiving in reflection and meditation. She got some much needed answers and was thankful for the time alone.

For me, while I do get to spend some time with my family, I also spend much of the holidays with friends and their families. It's starting new traditions with my best friend like having a cookie decorating day (or days) and sharing the grocery shopping madness together before each of the holidays.

I have also learned to change my definition of "family". Those I consider family now, while not related by blood, are related to me by the experiences and friendships that we share.

The holidays are tough on those of us who are alone. As long as we manage our expectations we should be able to get through all this craziness in one piece.