Monday, February 3, 2014

Sono Sola

One of my favorite movies, “Eat, Pray, Love” has a line in it when Liz Gilbert is trying to learn Italian.  She says, “Sono Sola” or “I am alone”.  I remember that line specifically when I saw that movie the first time because I remember thinking that this could be me and I could relate to how she felt.  It was at a time in my life when I was trying to make the decision to leave my husband.

I have been married twice.  Once when I was 22, divorced at 31, single for 17 years, and then married again for four years.  For the first part of the 17 years I was single after my first marriage I dated with the purpose of finding another husband.  I didn’t like being alone.  I was afraid of getting old and being alone especially when my first husband remarried and got on with his life. But after a while I realized that I was doing okay and really didn’t need a man in my life, especially if he didn’t bring something to the relationship that I couldn’t provide for myself.

Being alone has it’s good points but it can also be a hassle.  This world seems biased toward couples.  The advertising drives me crazy with all the couple stuff, recipes are usually made for at least four people, the entire Entertainment book is filled with buy one, get one offers which I can’t use.  When I go to a party or an event, I’m usually the only one there who isn’t with someone else. It gets very tiring being the “third wheel”. 

Try putting up a long curtain rod when you have no help -- thank goodness for ladders.  Every time I want to buy a new piece of furniture I either have to pay to have it delivered or recruit some help (although I did manage to get a double mattress upstairs by myself -- thank you personal trainers). In addition, the monthly bills are a lot easier to pay when they are split in half.

However, I decided to look at being single in a glass-is-half-full attitude.  There are quite a few obvious benefits to being alone.  For instance, I don’t have this conversation anymore:

    “What do you want to have for supper tonight?”
    “I don’t know, what do you want?”
    “How about pork chops?”
    “No, I’m not in the mood for pork chops.”
    “Well, then how about fish?”
    “No, I don’t feel like eating fish.”
    “Well, then what do you feel like eating?”
    “I don’t know, just not pork chops or fish.”

That conversation?  Gone! 

I also get to have the entire bed to myself.  There’s an old country song, “Sleeping single in a double bed.”  Well I’m sleeping single in a KING bed!!  It’s awesome!  One night I fell asleep watching TV and woke up sideways in the bed.  Can’t do that with another person in there.  The rooms is kept at the right temperature, the electric blanket is on MY temperature setting, and I can have as many pillows as I want on the bed without anyone complaining about it.


Other obvious perks:

  • No toothpaste splatters in, on and around the sink, and the seat is ALWAYS down;
  • Clothes are put in the laundry basket when taken off or hung up or put away to be worn again;
  • I can leave as many pairs of shoes out as I want, and anywhere I want;
  • No explaining why I need another new pair of shoes;
  • I get all the closets to myself;
  • No trail of tools from the latest home project completed two weekends ago scattered across the house; until I pick them up which promptly receives a reply of, “I was just going to put those away”;
  • The only unwashed dishes in the sink are mine and are the ones that don’t go into the dishwasher (the rest are put into the dishwasher right away);
  • I don’t have to explain that the little light on the dishwasher above the “Clean” label means that the dishes in the dishwasher are, in fact, clean;
  • Flowered sheets, pillows, comforters, towels, etc.
  • I don’t have to watch any more movies that involve massive shooting sprees, or blowing things up, or dumb comedies; and I can watch “Pride and Prejudice” as many times as I want to, back-to-back, including director’s commentary.
  • I could go on forever …


So now I have a new rhythm to life, a new chapter.  However this one is entirely on my own.  My son is 23 and is living in another city where he goes to college.  After I moved into this house I just bought I was surprised to realize that I had never actually lived alone.  I went from living in my parent’s house to living with my first husband.  Then when I got divorced my son and I lived together until I got remarried which is when my son moved away to college.  Being alone in a house is completely different.  Okay, well, technically I’m not really alone, alone.  I do have my cat and my canary.  And I also just adopted a sweet little rescue dog.  At least I have someone in the house so when my girlfriend pops over and hears me talking I can say I was talking to the dog, not myself (which I do, and which is okay when you live alone).  

Sono Sola:  I am alone and I am good with it.

No comments:

Post a Comment