I Am Woman Hear Me Roar

About a year ago I was having a conversation with my masseuse when we got on the topics of weight loss, working out, and sleeping.  I was frustrated because the sleeping pills that I had been taking for years were suddenly not working and I was exhausted.  I have always had a hard time sleeping.  In addition, I was working out like a fiend and not seeing any weight loss for my efforts.  I had been stuck at this same weight for so long and no matter what I tried, I could not get the scale to budge.

She gave me the name of a doctor she had been seeing who was helping her with hormone therapy. More specifically, bio-identical hormone therapy. Bio-identical hormones are tailored to a person’s specific needs. Instead of a wide-spectrum hormone that gives you an average range of hormones, these are made just for me. They are also natural hormones, not synthetic. I made an appointment with this doctor and went in for a consultation.  

The first thing the nurse had me do was take an inventory of my symptoms. I was handed a sheet with three columns on it, full of symptoms. I checked almost every one. Then after the nurse took down my blood pressure and my weight and height, I was able to sit down with the doctor. She talked to me about what symptoms I was having and ordered some blood to be drawn. After she got the results we would meet again and go over what her prescribed course of action would be.

When we next met the results of my tests were reviewed. Basically, my serotonin levels we really low, cholesterol high, and my body didn’t know whether it was a man or a woman. She was not at all surprised that I was checking almost all the boxes on the symptom sheet. The doctor prescribed two hormones along with 5-HTP for my serotonin levels and a few supplements for my cholesterol.  

At my next visit six weeks later my numbers had made good progress in correcting both my levels of hormones and serotonin. I had already weaned myself off of my sleep medication and was getting much better sleep. I wasn’t completely where I wanted to be so my doctor made one correction. I followed up with her three months later.

At this next visit, my doctor congratulated me and told me I was once again a woman! My hormone levels had corrected themselves and I was no longer androgynous. I still wasn’t sleeping through the night, however, so she just increased the dose of one of the hormones.

Now, three months later, I can say that I am sleeping like a baby, feel like a million bucks, have greater muscle tone (are those abs under there?!?), and have actually lost a few pounds. Everyone I see asks me if I’ve lost weight. I haven’t really lost that much but my clothes are fitting much looser.  

The biggest difference since starting these treatments:  I’m happy. My girlfriend and I used to call that the “H” word; like it was something we could never attain. I never, EVER, could have made it through the last year without being on hormones. I would have been a mess and probably would have killed someone by now! Plus all my “systems” are working better, you know what I mean? My digestive tract is functioning again, my brain works better, I have lots of energy, my skin is not as dry, and my singing voice is better than it’s ever been.  

Now, I’m not a doctor so I can’t tell you what’s right for you. But if you’re frustrated with your doctors because you tell them about all these symptoms and they say to you, “Well, you know, you are getting older,” tell them to stick-it-where-the-sun-don’t-shine and go see someone who can evaluate your hormones. Men too. They are discovering quite a lot about men’s hormone problems too.  

Think about it. People only used to live until they were 40. They didn’t have to deal with getting older and fading hormone levels, or even menopause because people just didn’t live long enough to go through it! There’s no reason why you should have to suffer, as I was, any longer.

Sing with me ladies:  “I am woooooooooo-man!  Double-you oooooohhhhhh M-A-N!

Plumbing Gremlins

I was very lucky when I was house hunting that I found a well kept, well maintained home that was in my price range.  Most of the major items had been done:  new furnace, roof, gutters, siding, water heater and driveway.  The only major item that needs to be done is the windows, but for now they work just fine.

When you own a home or a condo you can expect some maintenance issues to arise.  No one can tell you when the garbage disposal is going to get jammed or a light fixture will stop working.  My new house?  It has plumbing gremlins.  These gremlins run around the house and cause havoc with the plumbing systems and water in the house.  

Now I’m familiar with gremlins causing trouble.  There’s been many a Sunday that you can tell they are running around the sanctuary at church causing troubles. Mics that don’t work, missed entrances and forgotten cues on songs that were sung perfectly all throughout rehearsal, or hymnals that go missing and then show up again out of the blue.  These little guys are brilliant at causing mischief. And they have been very busy at my house.

My first issue:  I walked into the room where the furnace is only to find the floor covered with water. Upon further inspection, I found out that the little pump that is put on these high efficiency furnaces to pump the water that drains from the furnace had stopped working.  So my first trip to the hardware store was to purchase some tubing and I ran it from the furnace to the drain in the basement floor. Works like a champ, and I didn't have to ask for help.  

Second issue:  the garage floor doesn’t drain properly.  Although this isn’t technically a plumbing issue, it is a water issue and it’s driving me crazy.  There is always water sitting next to my car in the garage.  When it rains, it comes in under the door and pools just about right where I stand to get in my car.  When it’s cold outside, the snow will melt off the car and there will be a big puddle of water. Who in the heck do you call to fix this problem?  I have no idea.

Third issue:  after I got the furnace issue fixed, imagine my surprise to find more water on the basement floor a few weeks later.  At first I thought it was my upright freezer leaking. I dried up the water and a couple days later more showed up. After further investigation I found out that the water was coming from behind the wall in the unfinished part of the basement. I thought for sure my water softener was leaking. I mopped up the water and waited to see if it happened again. It did, six days later, and then six days after that. So I called the water softener people (it’s a rental) and they came out to look at it. The repairman said the softener was working fine and that it was probably a drain issue.

A few weeks later, on a Sunday of course, it happened again, only this time the water was coming out of the drain that was put on the side of my main plumbing stack. Oh great!! Desperate I called my brother and asked him what I should do. He was great and came right out, but decided that I needed a plumber because there was most likely a clog somewhere. Fortunately I have an ex-brother-in-law that is a plumber and he came out and was able to snake the drain and find the clog right away. Thank goodness it wasn’t something more serious, just a 50-year old plumbing stack that had finally collected enough goop to stop it from flowing. And fortunately, my brother came out another day and fixed the other drain issue.

Fourth issue: In the midst of hosting a family reunion at my house I went to flip the switch for the garbage disposal and it chose that moment to stop working. The motor ran, but the blades weren’t turning. Obviously there was something stuck in it, but upon closer inspection I could not tell what the culprit was. Fortunately, my brother-in-law was visiting and he’s one of those great handymen that can fix just about anything and he was eventually able to get the innards to move and un-stick the grinding mechanism. Good thing he was there because I had just about had it with all these darn plumbing issues.

Needless to say the plumbing gremlins have been very busy.  Hopefully they will eventually calm down and leave my house alone.  Maybe I can send them over to the neighbors?